The #1 Thing You and Tom Hanks Don’t Know About Coaching

In the famous scene from “A League of Their Own”, Tom Hanks’ character Jimmy Dugan berates one of his players for making a throwing error. She begins to weep, and a classic movie line is born:

“There’s No Crying in Baseball”

Then Jimmy launches into an expletive laced tirade of examples proving his point. And based on the evidence, Jimmy Dugan was right. There is no crying in baseball.  But Jimmy lost the argument.  He lost influence. He lost credibility. And kicked of a spiral leading to his being tossed from the game.

Jimmy lost because being right isn’t enough.

It’s true the player (Evelyn) made an ill advised throw.

It’s true Evelyn’s error let runs score.

It’s true Evelyn’s error could lose the game for her team.

But Evelyn won’t remember the truth of any of those facts.  She’ll first remember how she FELT about her coach.

Gaining influence and collaboration in your relationships is rarely about what literally happens, it’s almost always about how the person FEELS about what happens. Feelings are real. Feelings are powerful. And if you ignore feelings, trouble is never too far away.

Find your method to hold team members accountable without trampling their feelings. Tom Hanks pulls it off later in the move.

You don’t have to be soft, just be smart.

Does Barry Manilow Know You Raid His Wardrobe?

Don’t be surprised when dressing up your accusation in the from of a question fails to shield you from the recipient’s anger.

Your passive aggressive approach might by clever and even make an important point, but as the late great Dale Carnage said, “no one wins an argument.”

Questions are tools.

Instead of using that tool to beat someone over the head, put it to work solving the problem.

Understanding Fault vs. Responsibility

Navigating difficult situations becomes a bit simpler when you begin to grasp the difference between being responsible and not just feeling as though the incident is your fault.  Mike Koles shares the tips and methods for improving your ability to manage difficult situations based on this key different.

The Two Most Dangerous Words in the English Language

Good Job.

Or so claims the tyrannical orchestra conductor played by J.K. Simmons in last year’s critically acclaimed movie, Whiplash.

Encouragement that isn’t genuine is damaging to both giver and receiver.  The receiver gets at best, a false sense of accomplishment, and at worst, the sting of being patronized.

And the giver? They exchange candor for cowardice, eroding their own credibility.

So what are we to do?  Throw a symbol at the head of every young Charlie Parker?

If you want a relationship with the person, you’ll need to be willing to be a teacher. You’ll need to invest the time to hold the person accountable, share clear standards of success and then coach them through the steps to deliver on your expectation. 

If they aren’t willing to be a student, then you know where you stand. And if you aren’t willing to take the time to be a teacher, then you have no one else to blame.

If after 30 minutes you can’t spot the sucker at the table, the sucker is you.

This poker proverb sums up social awareness, a key concept of emotional intelligence. Social awareness is the art of understanding how your actions are being received and perceived by others.

In 1982 Hollywood hatched, “Night Shift” staring Henry Winkler and Michael Keaton as Billy Blazikowski. Check out this example of Blazikowski’s utter and complete lack of social awareness as he meets his new partner.

Do you know how others perceive you?

Are you sure?